Q. Life
is so crazy. I work full time and have 3 kids
who always keep me on the go. I can’t
imagine adding one more thing to my To Do
list. I want to be a better parent. I know
what I need to do. I just don’t have
the time to add anything else to my life.
I don’t understand how your Toolkit
can work for me. . .at least not right now.
A. I’ll explain this in
two easy steps.
(STEP 1) Catch
your children doing good things and making
smart choices.
This Toolkit was created with
you in mind. You already are spending time
with your kids, right? When you are driving
them to and from activities, in the morning
before school, in the evening at dinner time
or before bedtime, turn part of your attention
to looking for the good choices they are making
and behaviors they’re showing. Are they
being helpful to you? Are they being quiet
or especially considerate because they know
you are exhausted or have a headache? Are
they doing what you asked of them the first
time? Did they get up in the morning and get
ready for school without one issue? Did they
make the bed without being asked, knowing
that it really means a lot to you?
All of these choices and behaviors
probably already are happening, at least from
time to time, and you may never have noticed
them because you are so busy with your job
and your role as a mom. Once you make the
choice to look for the positive things your
children are doing it is amazing the change
that will happen, even within you. You know
the old saying “If you look for something
you will find it?” Well, it’s
true. It has become one of our mottos around
our house. You already are geared up to catch
your kids doing something good, and they will
realize this and be motivated to please you.
You are just waiting for them to be successful
and they know it. Another opportunity is when
you’ve received a compliment from a
parent, coach or teacher.
Also, try to turn something
your child struggles with into a positive.
For example: Have they been working hard to
bring that math grade up? Even if the grade
isn’t where you hoped, they’ve
been doing the right things to get it there.
Maybe it didn’t happen this grading
period, but if they keep working hard like
they have been, they will get there. It’s
amazing the power of patience and perseverance.
. .and encouragement from mom and dad. You
are positively reinforcing the behaviors which
will lead to their success. You are creating
the desire in your children to continue those
behaviors.
(STEP 2) Celebrate
those good choices and behaviors by
presenting your child’s meal tonight
on the Family Honor Plate.
This is the fun part. Once you
catch your children making good choices or
showing good character it is time to celebrate
the very behaviors, choices, or traits they’ve
shown. You all have to eat dinner at some
time, right? Best case scenario is to try
to award your child’s dinner on the
Honor Plate on an evening when the family
is together; gathered at the dinner table.
Let them be the star tonight; their stage
is the family dinner table and their audience
is the other family members. Let everyone
feel the pride in you when you are sharing
why the honor plate is being presented tonight.
Make a big deal out of it. Share about how
their choices or behavior made you feel and
thank them for their hard work, good choice,
etc. Your other children will learn from this
experience as well and hopefully be inspired
to earn the honor plate as well.
Q. I’m
looking for the good behaviors and choices
my kids are making, and I really am finding
them. I love this new perspective I am taking
with my kids. Unfortunately, by the time it
comes to getting dinner on the table, we’ll
be halfway through or even finished sometimes
when I realize I forgot to award the Honor
Plate and the opportunity is lost. Do you
have any suggestions?
A. Don’t worry about that.
It happens to the best of us. I still forget
sometimes. If it’s not too late into
the dinner, and you won’t be shortchanging
your child, jump up, grab their plate and
replace their food on the Honor Plate. It
may seem a little crazy but your child will
still feel honored to be receiving it. Sometimes
mom acting a little crazy breaks things up
a little bit. I haven’t received a complaint
yet when that has happened. If you are too
far through dinner or you would rather wait
and award the Honor Plate when you can be
more organized about it, that’s fine
too. Presenting the Honor Plate later just
shows your child that you haven’t forgotten
what they did; even a few days later. Take
that opportunity to perhaps present the honor
plate on the weekend, perhaps when you can
have a more relaxed dinner and truly make
a nice evening around the dinner table.
Since dinner time can be the
craziest time of the day, sometimes I take
the Honor Plate off the plate stand and sit
it right where I will be preparing all the
other plates for dinner. Better yet take the
other plates out as well. Ours already sits
in the corner right where I prepare the plates.
Then watch the excitement as the kids realize
someone is getting the Honor Plate tonight.
Q. Sometimes
my kids will be doing something together that
really calls for the Honor Plate that evening
at dinner. Since we only have one plate I
hesitate to award it since one child will
be left out. What should I do?
A. This is a problem that I
struggled with. At first I found myself just
not awarding the Honor Plate. That wasn’t
right because we lost a lot of beautiful opportunities
to celebrate some pretty wonderful behaviors
between the girls. Now, when both my girls,
for example, have earned the honor plate for
something they’ve done together, I ask
them to pick a number. I like to do this before
we are actually getting ready for dinner so
if there is an issue that arises because they
know that one of them won’t get the
Honor Plate, we can talk about it. If you
write the number down on a piece of paper
and they pick a number but don’t know
who gets to actually eat off the plate, they
will have time to be excited thinking about
what they are getting the Honor Plate for
and realize that if it’s not them they
will be OK with it. On occasions when we have
had an issue with this situation, then the
plate goes to the one who behaved responsibly
and fairly.
They need to remember (and they
will after a few times of this happening)
that they are still both being honored for
something they’ve done. It’s important
for them to learn to be happy for each other
and be patient. Chances are they will be the
one to get to eat off of the plate the next
time this same situation occurs. Just help
them to see the big picture. It was actually
my girls who helped me to think of this solution.
I told them of my dilemma, and they both really
took the high road and said how they understand
that they can’t both eat off of the
Honor Plate even though they are both being
honored. They didn’t want to take any
chances that I didn’t award the Honor
Plate because I was afraid how they would
react. Ask your children what they think and
steer them towards this situation. Help them
to come up with the answer and they will feel
pretty empowered that they helped to create
a family tradition. This helps them to understand
better if they don’t get the Honor Plate
that evening as well.
Q. Help!
Our Honor Plate dropped and broke into a bunch
of pieces. How do I get another one without
buying the whole kit again?
A. If you’ve already purchased
a kit from us, we will send you a replacement
Honor Plate and paint pen. The cost for the
replacement set is only $24.99 plus shipping
and handling. Just contact us through our
e-mail address, and we’ll make sure
you get your new Honor Plate and a new pen
with which to personalize your plate again,
Q. We love the Table
Thyme. We have gone through most of the set
and I’m already thinking about the next
set. Do you have other sets I can buy?
A. We are working on new sets
of cards. They will be more specific according
to age and gender. We will also have a character
education set as well as a Christian based
set which will incorporate the significance
of many of our holidays. These will not be
ready until 2007.
In the meantime, go through
the original set again. Don’t worry
about repeating the questions. Since people’s
moods, perspective and personal issues can
change from day to day, responses can be different
from even one month to the next. Responses
are primarily determined by what is in someone’s
heart at that time. It will be interesting
to see how someone’s responses are different
from the first time. When your family members
are sharing their thoughts, be sure to ask
all of the leading questions; why, why not,
when, how, etc. This is when the magical answers
really start flowing and you get a glimpse
of what is inside each others heart. Have
you been writing down the responses? These
are just too magical to cheat yourself out
of these memories. If you don’t already
have a journal I would strongly
recommend getting one. You can order this
as well through our site.
